Michael

Michael is my 27 month and 5 day old son. He is the light of my life. When I am upset all I have to do is look at him and I am instantly happy. When I found out I was pregnant it was the scariest thing ever. I had my whole life ahead of me. I was going to go back to college and get a good job and then get married and have kids. Well I had kids, then started college, and I am not married. Michael's dad who I am still with was quite angry. He kept telling me that he knew what he had to do. So in my mind that meant actually doing the responsible thing. I even had that thought of "oh maybe a baby will make him grow up" NOT! Now don't get me wrong he is a great dad and Michael just adores him and I am very much in love with him. But lets just say I grew up more. Most likely because I am the one who had to carry Michael in my belly. Anyways having a baby did not change his dad, well maybe a little. But having a baby changed me. I sometimes what if I would have gone back to school, what my motivation would have been. I also wonder if I would be like other people my age and party all the time. Maybe it wouldn't have turned out so good. I sometimes wonder if I would still be with the same person. Its hard to imagine my life as something different. Even though its not perfect I wouldn't want it to be any other way. I have found that God would not have put me in this situation if he did not think I was ready. I have also realized that this is not the first time God has saved my ass. I am just going to admit that I use to be quite lazy. I haven't always been but somewhere along the way I lost myself. I was stuck in a small low income apartment with a new baby I had no idea what to do with in the middle of winter. And at that point his dad was very still in his own world. So I got very depressed and just stopped doing anything besides taking care of Michael of course. I gained weight (I ate my feelings), didn't call anyone, and barely cleaned. I am so blessed to have wonderful mother that helped. And that's all she was doing was trying to help because that's all she wanted was the best for me. Michael did not walk until he was 16 months old. And he wasn't crawling until he was 10 months. I honestly don't blame him. There was never any room. When he was 18 months old we moved out of the apartment into a house. Well it got messy too. I tried but I had Adam a month later. One day I got into an argument with there dad and I moved all my stuff out, which was pretty much everything. The next day when I went back I walked in and was shocked. I just didn't understand how I let my house that my children live in get so gross. I just sat down and cried. What was wrong with me. It was a wake up call for sure. Now we have all moved and squeezed the four of us into a one bedroom house. But I absolutely love it. I am so happy here. And its clean.It didn't occur to me until about two weeks ago while on my way to Yakima with my mom. God saved me again. Michael didn't walk early because it wasn't safe. And I was given a second chance. That fight happened for a reason. My dad happened to have a friend with a truck over at the time for a reason. It was God giving me a second chance. And here I sit thinking all the years I didn't believe, all that time I had lost my faith. He still had faith in me. Is it not a coincidence that I named my son Michael (after his grandpa) which means "who is like god". God blessed me with Michael not to change anyone's lives but to save mine.