Who's Running Who?

So I was recently told that I let my kids run my life and that I need to be the one in control. My first response was anger because for someone who does not know me to say such a thing is rather rude. Instead of saying something rude back I just laughed and walked away. Which is a huge accomplishment on my part. But of course the kind of person I am I couldn't just let it go. I thought about for a long time. This is what I came up with.
I'm not just going to say that I am always in charge because lets face it I am not. But that does not mean that my kids are. I don't really see that I have given up anything by having kids. So I cant go out and party whenever I want to and most of my money gets spent on my kids. I have never really wanted to party in the first place. And yes it is difficult sometimes to have to buy the kids something when I want something I am not going to lie. But even when I do have an opportunity to get something for myself I end up spending it on the kids by choice. I guess I am okay doing without so they don't have too. And that is my personal choice. I don't think I should be judged by that.
So then comes the question. When do you ever go do something you want to do? Well I don't really have a good answer for that. I honestly don't know what I would do if I had time. When I do have a break I usually take a nap. And Once again for someone trying to judge me cause I never really take advantage of "me time" is being ridiculous. Who cares what I do with my "me time". Its mine not yours mind your own business. I have always be the stay at home type even before my kids. You can even ask my mom. I took naps even in high school. I enjoy being home. Its my home. I don't need to go get my nails done, or go out to dinner, or go to the bar to have fun. It just makes me broke and tired. I am happy staying at home and watching TV. And that may be boring to some but its my choice. And I like being boring. My life is exciting everyday watching my kids grow and learn so many new things. When I am alone I want boring.
Well what happens when your out and they are throwing a fit..you leave? Well duh who wants to listen to kids screaming. I sure don't. And no I am not going to spank my kids or yell at them when they are crying because they are tired or hungry. And yes when they do this I do leave. But I don't see it as them running my life. I see it as I stayed out later and they are on a schedule. And I want them on a schedule. I think kids do better on schedules and I do too. So yes maybe I cant go anywhere after 8 pm. But really where am I going to go in the first place.I keep them on a schedule so I have time with my husband each night. Which there is nothing wrong with that. Especially when we too have to be up rather early. Plus as I stated above. I actually enjoy being at home. I see it as a plus when they want to leave because most likely I want to leave too and they are a better excuse than anyone I could make up.
So as far as who is running whose life. I am running my own life. My kids are not in charge but nor are they an accessory. They are part of me and I wouldn't want it any other way.

People and their kids

So I am not quite done venting. Other parents really frustrate me. Part of it is because I am very opinionated and part of it is because parents are not putting their kids first. Not that I am the perfect mom because I am not but I am a pretty damn good one. One of the things that bothers me is parents feeding themselves before they feed their own kids. That is totally wrong. Whether we have money or not I always make sure my kids have enough food. The second thing that bothers me is people over feeding their kids or making them eat something they don't want to. I have a rule where I give my kids two different choices and breakfast and lunch and if they don't want either then they can wait until snack time or the next meal. Which they are pretty happy with choosing one so they always end up eating. But I don't think you should force feed kids. You know what else bothers me. DIAPERS! when your kids diaper is sagging please change it and if you don't than don't get mad at them when their butt hurts because you were too lazy to change them. Oh and what else...when your kid is doing something wrong don't just sit there and yell at them especially when someone is right next to you. Try getting up off your butt and punishing them. I don't care if you spank or do time outs. whatever floats your boat. But kids need some sort of discipline and guidance and their not going to get it from anyone else but their parents. and whats up with people never taking their kids anywhere anymore. Like grocery stores, shopping, or to the parks. Do you not realize that by not taking them they will never learn to behave in the stores in the first place.  I take my kids everywhere. I cant even pee with out one of them sitting on my lap. And I don't care. I have realized just recently that my boys are growing up super fast and I want to spend as much time with them as possible. Now don't get me wrong I do enjoy breaks too. My parents usually alternate taking one them on a weekend. which is nice because then I get to spend quality time with one of them. And I would never force them to watch them. The boys love them and like spending time up there and my parents enjoy it to..(so they say). You know what else I cant stand, when parents go out partying on weekends and then post pictures on Facebook...seriously what is wrong with you. Now I am sure some of you who are going to read this are going to think I am being a total bitch. And truthfully I am. But for those of you who know me, are going to understand what I am saying and know that I am not one to beat around the bush. So if your mad. Get over yourself..clearly I do not care what you think.

Lost

So I haven't written in quite a while, which means I have a lot to say. Be prepared.......So here I am sitting at my kitchen table alone on my computer writing this blog. Michael who is now 3 years and 8 months old is at his grandmas house for the night. And Adam who just turned two last month is in bed. So why am I alone when I just got married on July 14th of 2012. Well I wish I had a good answer. You see as I sit here writing my husband happens to be at the neighbors having a grand ole time well I have been trying to put my two year old to bed. And oh did I mention that I made a really nice dinner and he didn't even want to eat any of it. But if I wouldn't have cooked he would have been mad. So what do I do.....absolutely nothing. Why.....because there is nothing left to do. So I am left with this.....I am married to a husband who works all week and spends his weekends working on his car, snowmobile, or dirt bike. Or even better helping someone else besides his own family. If I want to have a conversation with him I have to follow him around and half the time he is not even listening. Now you may be thinking....If it was like this then why did you have kids and get married. Well..because things were great before. We had some battles after Michael was born but things have always seemed to work out. And when we decided to get married we hadn't had a fight in months. Everything was almost perfect. But after we got married something changed and I cant even figure out what it is. Sometimes I feel like we don't spend enough time together so we are slowly growing apart. And it makes me feel sad. I don't even know what to think anymore really. It doesn't seem to matter whether the house is clean or dirty, whether I ask him to come inside, I am still "yelling" or better yet "bitching". It just doesn't matter it seems. So here I sit having a little pitty party for myself...yay me!  I remember before I had kids I knew exactly what I wanted. Now I have not clue. I know what I want for my kids. But I guess with having them I have really lost who I am. I have always put myself last because they are the most important thing in the world for me. I don't even have any hobbies anymore. I got asked what I like to do the other day for fun and my answer was "I painted my nails". How pathetic  that. And I don't really even like painting my nails cause all I ever do is pick of the polish. I'm lost in a world full of toddlers, diapers, and a stressful marriage. I used to paint all the time. I loved it. And I wasn't great at it, but it didn't matter. Now I don't even have money to buy painting supplies or the time to do it. I also used to go to college online. But it got hard when my husband wouldn't watch his own kids when I had a test. Or he would just say "are you almost done, I have stuff to do". How rude is that. So I always had to depend on my mom. And of course when I quite after completing a year I got the " I knew you couldn't do it anyways, you need to just listen to me more". Now I am not perfect either. And my husband does work full time and provide financially for us. He also takes side work whenever he can. And I know on his free time he does want to work on his stuff, which he should be able to do. The kids just adore him too. The hard part is that we have totally different jobs and it makes things complicated. I stay at home all week and clean and take care of the kids, whereas his is at work everyday. So the weekend comes along and what happens. I want to get out of the house, and he wants to be home. I think that has a lot to do with our problems. I know that God would not give me more than I could handle. And I know that there is a reason why things are the way they are. For one it could be much worse. I know that this blog was kind of bashing my husband. And I have contemplated on posting it. But I am going to. Sometimes we just need to vent. And I really do love him very much. And I am blessed with two beautiful boys, and dog, a house (that is rather small but still a house), and I am able to pay all my bills and buy food. So I really couldn't ask for much more. Except maybe a little guidance to help me through the confusing times.