Laughing

 So my husband always ends up making friends with the weirdest people. The other day this dude just barges in my house even though Jon had shut the door so we could talk privately. And you know what he says to me as his drunk self is staggering in my kitchen..." WOMAN HEY WOMAN YOU NEED TO MEET MY WOMAN CAUSE YOU BOTH HAVE KIDS". Strike one....your a drunk. Strike two...you just referred to me as Woman....Strike three...you think Im "just" a mom. So I have been trying extremely hard to control my temper toward idiots like this. So I did the polite thing and just started laughing. Okay maybe that wasn't the politest thing but my first choice would have just been knocking his bum out.

So I dont really have a nick name for Jon. I always just call him Jon or Jonathon. So Adam our two year old has started calling him Jon instead of daddy. I thought it was funny. Anyways earlier today Adam walks about to him and is saying  Jon Jon Jon trying to get his attention. And Jon says to me " you need to call me something else like babe or sir. " Oh gosh I almost fell out of the chair I was laughing so hard.

The other day I put Michael on the bus and Adam was still sleeping so I decided I was going back to bed. Well Mr Adam didn't wake me up when he got up. So all of a sudden I am smelling peanut butter like right in front of me. So I open my eyes and there's Adam covered head to toe in peanut butter. All I could think was thank god it wasnt poop right. 

Oh man my boys can be turds though too. They work together and team up against me sometimes and Im just like GAHH! Will it ever get easier. And then I am totally like Nope probably not. But then I think about how bored I get after they go to bed. Which I like them going to bed cause I do need breaks but its always quiet. And sometimes Im like ooohhh I just want to go to the store by myself. But then I get there and I am lonely. Or sometimes if its just me and Jon in the car and and I see cows Im like OH LOOK COWS and the worst part is I start MOOING...yes I said MOOING. And then its like whoopsy daisys the kids arent with me.

It makes you realize how unimportant some things are. And how the littlest thing can make your whole world spin around. If my kids have taught me anything its defiantly to lighten up and enjoy them and laugh at them being goofy because one day it wont be like that.

Who's Running Who?

So I was recently told that I let my kids run my life and that I need to be the one in control. My first response was anger because for someone who does not know me to say such a thing is rather rude. Instead of saying something rude back I just laughed and walked away. Which is a huge accomplishment on my part. But of course the kind of person I am I couldn't just let it go. I thought about for a long time. This is what I came up with.
I'm not just going to say that I am always in charge because lets face it I am not. But that does not mean that my kids are. I don't really see that I have given up anything by having kids. So I cant go out and party whenever I want to and most of my money gets spent on my kids. I have never really wanted to party in the first place. And yes it is difficult sometimes to have to buy the kids something when I want something I am not going to lie. But even when I do have an opportunity to get something for myself I end up spending it on the kids by choice. I guess I am okay doing without so they don't have too. And that is my personal choice. I don't think I should be judged by that.
So then comes the question. When do you ever go do something you want to do? Well I don't really have a good answer for that. I honestly don't know what I would do if I had time. When I do have a break I usually take a nap. And Once again for someone trying to judge me cause I never really take advantage of "me time" is being ridiculous. Who cares what I do with my "me time". Its mine not yours mind your own business. I have always be the stay at home type even before my kids. You can even ask my mom. I took naps even in high school. I enjoy being home. Its my home. I don't need to go get my nails done, or go out to dinner, or go to the bar to have fun. It just makes me broke and tired. I am happy staying at home and watching TV. And that may be boring to some but its my choice. And I like being boring. My life is exciting everyday watching my kids grow and learn so many new things. When I am alone I want boring.
Well what happens when your out and they are throwing a fit..you leave? Well duh who wants to listen to kids screaming. I sure don't. And no I am not going to spank my kids or yell at them when they are crying because they are tired or hungry. And yes when they do this I do leave. But I don't see it as them running my life. I see it as I stayed out later and they are on a schedule. And I want them on a schedule. I think kids do better on schedules and I do too. So yes maybe I cant go anywhere after 8 pm. But really where am I going to go in the first place.I keep them on a schedule so I have time with my husband each night. Which there is nothing wrong with that. Especially when we too have to be up rather early. Plus as I stated above. I actually enjoy being at home. I see it as a plus when they want to leave because most likely I want to leave too and they are a better excuse than anyone I could make up.
So as far as who is running whose life. I am running my own life. My kids are not in charge but nor are they an accessory. They are part of me and I wouldn't want it any other way.

People and their kids

So I am not quite done venting. Other parents really frustrate me. Part of it is because I am very opinionated and part of it is because parents are not putting their kids first. Not that I am the perfect mom because I am not but I am a pretty damn good one. One of the things that bothers me is parents feeding themselves before they feed their own kids. That is totally wrong. Whether we have money or not I always make sure my kids have enough food. The second thing that bothers me is people over feeding their kids or making them eat something they don't want to. I have a rule where I give my kids two different choices and breakfast and lunch and if they don't want either then they can wait until snack time or the next meal. Which they are pretty happy with choosing one so they always end up eating. But I don't think you should force feed kids. You know what else bothers me. DIAPERS! when your kids diaper is sagging please change it and if you don't than don't get mad at them when their butt hurts because you were too lazy to change them. Oh and what else...when your kid is doing something wrong don't just sit there and yell at them especially when someone is right next to you. Try getting up off your butt and punishing them. I don't care if you spank or do time outs. whatever floats your boat. But kids need some sort of discipline and guidance and their not going to get it from anyone else but their parents. and whats up with people never taking their kids anywhere anymore. Like grocery stores, shopping, or to the parks. Do you not realize that by not taking them they will never learn to behave in the stores in the first place.  I take my kids everywhere. I cant even pee with out one of them sitting on my lap. And I don't care. I have realized just recently that my boys are growing up super fast and I want to spend as much time with them as possible. Now don't get me wrong I do enjoy breaks too. My parents usually alternate taking one them on a weekend. which is nice because then I get to spend quality time with one of them. And I would never force them to watch them. The boys love them and like spending time up there and my parents enjoy it to..(so they say). You know what else I cant stand, when parents go out partying on weekends and then post pictures on Facebook...seriously what is wrong with you. Now I am sure some of you who are going to read this are going to think I am being a total bitch. And truthfully I am. But for those of you who know me, are going to understand what I am saying and know that I am not one to beat around the bush. So if your mad. Get over yourself..clearly I do not care what you think.

Lost

So I haven't written in quite a while, which means I have a lot to say. Be prepared.......So here I am sitting at my kitchen table alone on my computer writing this blog. Michael who is now 3 years and 8 months old is at his grandmas house for the night. And Adam who just turned two last month is in bed. So why am I alone when I just got married on July 14th of 2012. Well I wish I had a good answer. You see as I sit here writing my husband happens to be at the neighbors having a grand ole time well I have been trying to put my two year old to bed. And oh did I mention that I made a really nice dinner and he didn't even want to eat any of it. But if I wouldn't have cooked he would have been mad. So what do I do.....absolutely nothing. Why.....because there is nothing left to do. So I am left with this.....I am married to a husband who works all week and spends his weekends working on his car, snowmobile, or dirt bike. Or even better helping someone else besides his own family. If I want to have a conversation with him I have to follow him around and half the time he is not even listening. Now you may be thinking....If it was like this then why did you have kids and get married. Well..because things were great before. We had some battles after Michael was born but things have always seemed to work out. And when we decided to get married we hadn't had a fight in months. Everything was almost perfect. But after we got married something changed and I cant even figure out what it is. Sometimes I feel like we don't spend enough time together so we are slowly growing apart. And it makes me feel sad. I don't even know what to think anymore really. It doesn't seem to matter whether the house is clean or dirty, whether I ask him to come inside, I am still "yelling" or better yet "bitching". It just doesn't matter it seems. So here I sit having a little pitty party for myself...yay me!  I remember before I had kids I knew exactly what I wanted. Now I have not clue. I know what I want for my kids. But I guess with having them I have really lost who I am. I have always put myself last because they are the most important thing in the world for me. I don't even have any hobbies anymore. I got asked what I like to do the other day for fun and my answer was "I painted my nails". How pathetic  that. And I don't really even like painting my nails cause all I ever do is pick of the polish. I'm lost in a world full of toddlers, diapers, and a stressful marriage. I used to paint all the time. I loved it. And I wasn't great at it, but it didn't matter. Now I don't even have money to buy painting supplies or the time to do it. I also used to go to college online. But it got hard when my husband wouldn't watch his own kids when I had a test. Or he would just say "are you almost done, I have stuff to do". How rude is that. So I always had to depend on my mom. And of course when I quite after completing a year I got the " I knew you couldn't do it anyways, you need to just listen to me more". Now I am not perfect either. And my husband does work full time and provide financially for us. He also takes side work whenever he can. And I know on his free time he does want to work on his stuff, which he should be able to do. The kids just adore him too. The hard part is that we have totally different jobs and it makes things complicated. I stay at home all week and clean and take care of the kids, whereas his is at work everyday. So the weekend comes along and what happens. I want to get out of the house, and he wants to be home. I think that has a lot to do with our problems. I know that God would not give me more than I could handle. And I know that there is a reason why things are the way they are. For one it could be much worse. I know that this blog was kind of bashing my husband. And I have contemplated on posting it. But I am going to. Sometimes we just need to vent. And I really do love him very much. And I am blessed with two beautiful boys, and dog, a house (that is rather small but still a house), and I am able to pay all my bills and buy food. So I really couldn't ask for much more. Except maybe a little guidance to help me through the confusing times.

Bolt

Well Michael finally did it. He consumed a foreign object. What foreign object did he eat you may be asking, well he ate a bolt, yes I said it a BOLT!. And when I tried getting it our of his mouth that boy swallowed it with one big gulp. So of course I start freaking out. I called his doctor and they said take him to the emergency room. So I take him. When I get there I say in a panicked voice "My son just ate a bolt or something". And I get this look like 'really'. Anyways so we get put in a room and a nurse comes in and takes the information. Then I get told that the doctor will be right in. 30 freaking minutes later the doctor waltzes in says he is fine it happens quite often but someone will come and get us for an X ray. Michael is getting restless since we are in a tiny room with nothing to do. Finally someone comes in and takes us for the X ray. Well they confirmed my fear. There is a bolt sitting in his intestines. And here the two nurses are laughing. Apparently they ate foreign objects when they were little and turned out just fine. At least they thought they turned out just fine. I just don't think that it should be a common thing for kids to eat bolts. After that we were sent back to our room. I was letting Michael play outside the door since he was tired of being in the little space. Well we got yelled out to go back to our room. Why I do not know because the ER was completely empty. So the doctor looks at the X ray and says "oh i think it will pass but we are going to ask "blank" doctor for his opinion. So than I wait another 30 minutes. Finally I get news that he will just pass it through and I should be watching for the next few days. So here I am having to pick through my two year old sons poop looking for a stupid bolt. Let me just say that What to Expect The Toddler Years does not have anything on consuming foreign objects until page 681. Excuse me but between Michael, Adam, and now the new Puppy B ( yes I am crazy) I haven't gotten that far in the book. I am too busy picking up objects that are potential choking hazards. Apparently I missed one!

Michael

Michael is my 27 month and 5 day old son. He is the light of my life. When I am upset all I have to do is look at him and I am instantly happy. When I found out I was pregnant it was the scariest thing ever. I had my whole life ahead of me. I was going to go back to college and get a good job and then get married and have kids. Well I had kids, then started college, and I am not married. Michael's dad who I am still with was quite angry. He kept telling me that he knew what he had to do. So in my mind that meant actually doing the responsible thing. I even had that thought of "oh maybe a baby will make him grow up" NOT! Now don't get me wrong he is a great dad and Michael just adores him and I am very much in love with him. But lets just say I grew up more. Most likely because I am the one who had to carry Michael in my belly. Anyways having a baby did not change his dad, well maybe a little. But having a baby changed me. I sometimes what if I would have gone back to school, what my motivation would have been. I also wonder if I would be like other people my age and party all the time. Maybe it wouldn't have turned out so good. I sometimes wonder if I would still be with the same person. Its hard to imagine my life as something different. Even though its not perfect I wouldn't want it to be any other way. I have found that God would not have put me in this situation if he did not think I was ready. I have also realized that this is not the first time God has saved my ass. I am just going to admit that I use to be quite lazy. I haven't always been but somewhere along the way I lost myself. I was stuck in a small low income apartment with a new baby I had no idea what to do with in the middle of winter. And at that point his dad was very still in his own world. So I got very depressed and just stopped doing anything besides taking care of Michael of course. I gained weight (I ate my feelings), didn't call anyone, and barely cleaned. I am so blessed to have wonderful mother that helped. And that's all she was doing was trying to help because that's all she wanted was the best for me. Michael did not walk until he was 16 months old. And he wasn't crawling until he was 10 months. I honestly don't blame him. There was never any room. When he was 18 months old we moved out of the apartment into a house. Well it got messy too. I tried but I had Adam a month later. One day I got into an argument with there dad and I moved all my stuff out, which was pretty much everything. The next day when I went back I walked in and was shocked. I just didn't understand how I let my house that my children live in get so gross. I just sat down and cried. What was wrong with me. It was a wake up call for sure. Now we have all moved and squeezed the four of us into a one bedroom house. But I absolutely love it. I am so happy here. And its clean.It didn't occur to me until about two weeks ago while on my way to Yakima with my mom. God saved me again. Michael didn't walk early because it wasn't safe. And I was given a second chance. That fight happened for a reason. My dad happened to have a friend with a truck over at the time for a reason. It was God giving me a second chance. And here I sit thinking all the years I didn't believe, all that time I had lost my faith. He still had faith in me. Is it not a coincidence that I named my son Michael (after his grandpa) which means "who is like god". God blessed me with Michael not to change anyone's lives but to save mine.